Divine Discontentment
On Sunday I went to church.
In the sermon the pastor spoke of many things but the words "embrace divine discontentment" jumped out at me.
He said that our discontentment in certain areas isn't always just our difficult cirmcumstances.
Perhaps it is God trying to move us on to more and deeper meaning in our lives.
I paraphrase his words loosely.
But something in that idea made me shed a tear.
Well, actually, I got a golfball in my throat and my eyes watered horrifically and snot ran down the back of my throat. (no one was gonna see me cry)
This idea spoke to me because I keep dealing with this huge discontent in my life
since I moved to the bitterroot valley.
I usually try to practice "attitudes of gratitude" to keep me content.
Nothing doing these days.
So, enter in guilt because I "should" be grateful.
After all, look at what I've got!!!!!
I appear to have the world by the tail.
Ashes. It is all dung.
I want more. Not stuff. Not power. Maybe love. Maybe peace.
A few years ago my brother gave me a book called "Sacred romance".
In it was described the awful yearning we have for so many things material, spiritual, emotional, or otherwise that even once attained will never make us happy or help us feel whole or transformed or satisfied.
It spoke of a truth that we were never meant to achieve this romantic ideal on earth.
Ain't gonna happen.
Not supposed to.
God created us to be basically discontent on earth so we would always long for heaven and home (for Himself).
I don't know if I missed the point in the book but its what I came away with.
So, here again I am hearing this idea.
"embrace divine discontentment".
Is there some way to do this without resigning to life?
Twelve step recovery groups have a saying...Acceptance of life on lifes terms.....
the key to serenity.
I think that discontent has always been a sickness with me.
How many times have I moved from one town to another, one house to another,
one state to another?
What am I looking for?
Heaven on earth I guess.
The truth to know here and embrace I guess, is that the fairy tale just isn't true.
"They lived happily ever after" happens after I die.
Heaven embodies all that I yearn for in life.
So,The happiest I may ever be in my life is when I stop seeking it.
The most peaceful I will ever be is when I stop expecting order.
The most love I will ever receive is when I stop demanding of it.
It is hard to let a dream die.
I have believed so hard in a fantasy that it now becomes a monumental thing to say goodbye to it. "It" is nothing terribly specific but idealism lives in my brain
like a treasured worn out photograph sitting in the palm of my hand.
I must tear it up.
God help me to tear it up.
In the sermon the pastor spoke of many things but the words "embrace divine discontentment" jumped out at me.
He said that our discontentment in certain areas isn't always just our difficult cirmcumstances.
Perhaps it is God trying to move us on to more and deeper meaning in our lives.
I paraphrase his words loosely.
But something in that idea made me shed a tear.
Well, actually, I got a golfball in my throat and my eyes watered horrifically and snot ran down the back of my throat. (no one was gonna see me cry)
This idea spoke to me because I keep dealing with this huge discontent in my life
since I moved to the bitterroot valley.
I usually try to practice "attitudes of gratitude" to keep me content.
Nothing doing these days.
So, enter in guilt because I "should" be grateful.
After all, look at what I've got!!!!!
I appear to have the world by the tail.
Ashes. It is all dung.
I want more. Not stuff. Not power. Maybe love. Maybe peace.
A few years ago my brother gave me a book called "Sacred romance".
In it was described the awful yearning we have for so many things material, spiritual, emotional, or otherwise that even once attained will never make us happy or help us feel whole or transformed or satisfied.
It spoke of a truth that we were never meant to achieve this romantic ideal on earth.
Ain't gonna happen.
Not supposed to.
God created us to be basically discontent on earth so we would always long for heaven and home (for Himself).
I don't know if I missed the point in the book but its what I came away with.
So, here again I am hearing this idea.
"embrace divine discontentment".
Is there some way to do this without resigning to life?
Twelve step recovery groups have a saying...Acceptance of life on lifes terms.....
the key to serenity.
I think that discontent has always been a sickness with me.
How many times have I moved from one town to another, one house to another,
one state to another?
What am I looking for?
Heaven on earth I guess.
The truth to know here and embrace I guess, is that the fairy tale just isn't true.
"They lived happily ever after" happens after I die.
Heaven embodies all that I yearn for in life.
So,The happiest I may ever be in my life is when I stop seeking it.
The most peaceful I will ever be is when I stop expecting order.
The most love I will ever receive is when I stop demanding of it.
It is hard to let a dream die.
I have believed so hard in a fantasy that it now becomes a monumental thing to say goodbye to it. "It" is nothing terribly specific but idealism lives in my brain
like a treasured worn out photograph sitting in the palm of my hand.
I must tear it up.
God help me to tear it up.
posted by Becky Nelson @ 1:01 PM
5 Comments:
At 8:38 PM,
J. Holo said…
that's so hard to do, isn't it?
At 10:58 AM,
Jacob said…
Mother! I loved this post. You spoke a lot of what I tried to relay in the one about fantasy. It seems I should read "sacred romance."
"Idealism lives in my brain like a treasured worn out photograph sitting in the palm of my hand."
Boy, talk about it. Wow. I'm afraid to tear it up... Oscar Wilde said that "illusion is the first of all pleasures." Damn straight. Hmm.
At 9:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
Becky every human being has a built in sense that things are not as they should be. We were created in perfection and then we lost it when the first man and woman rebelled against the creator of perfection. Now we slog around in this surreal world that we know is not right and we try desperately to make it right...but we can't. Thus we live in discontent with our lot and try to do everything we can to "fix" it. The Apostle Paul said, "I have learned to be content" because his eyes were fixed on the prize that lay ahead and not on his circumstances. Some of us never learn how to do this but it's easy to recognize the man or woman who has. They become an oasis for those of us who still struggle.
May God teach us to let go of the unreachable dream of heaven on earth. Let us start laying up treasures in the place where the ache in our heart will be forever displaced by the perfection we've always known was our destiny.
Mom
At 9:16 PM,
Anonymous said…
Your mind is so beautiful Becky. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
You are called to be a tree of life Becky. Therefore your desires should be fulfilled.
I know I'm the odd man out, but here are my questions. What did Jesus mean when He said for us to pray to the Father, "Your Kingdom come,your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."? Matthew 6
Or when He said "But if I cast out
demons by the Spirit of God, surely the Kingdom of God has come upon you." Matthew 12:28
In John 6:33 Jesus says,"...my Father is right now offering you bread from heaven, the real bread." Then He continues with calling himself the Bread of Life.
Matthew 10:7 "And as you go, preach, saying, 'The Kingdom of heaven is at hand'.
There are so many references like this. If Jesus brought heaven to earth and Jesus lives in us, then why shouldn't we be able to bring heaven here also? The whole point is to be like Jesus right?
I love you dearly. Keep searching.
At 7:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
I like being discontent. It drives me to go for the next thing and to seek life to its fullest in Christ. He's given us this world so lets explore it! He's given us people all over the place so let's enjoy each other. He's given us Himself so let's know the adventure of knowing Him! It just never ends. I think that's pretty cool.
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