Last night was Halloween
Last night must have been Halloween because I was not myself and either was anyone
else.
We were all running around masquerading as other personalities.
My husband was a jock.
My brother in law was a scary man.
My mother was a ghost
My sister was the village idiot.
And I was the bride of Frankenstein.
My world was upside down.
It all began when the sun set. The transformation of all the characters in my life for the day was about to take place. The important event of the evening was about to begin. Football. I left my soon-to-be unGodly house of horror before it could get started. Went straight to the most sanctuary I could imagine in my life. Mother. When I get there my husbands brother is just arriving at my mom's house having had a mix up in communication with my husband as to where to meet for this heathen ritual. I say to him that its at our house and try to direct him from where we were. He is exasperated and a little angry. I am not accustomed to that from him. I watch him drive away up the wrong street and follow after. I get in his way on the road so he won't miss me and it appears he is going to drive right into the side of my car, such a hurry he was in. He is inches away from my vehicle and I barely get the words out "follow me" and he is moving on so I pull my car out fast and lead the way to my house. He is definitely not himself. In the car on the way to a restaurant my mother informs me that my sister has decided to go back to the devil himself(her abusive husband)and that she, my mother, had cried most of the day. Sitting in the restaurant I am stunned by bad news and my mother is only a pale shade of herself. I feel cold and shivery all through the meal as the hostess has seated us somewhat near the door. We leave eventually to go to her house and pass a little more time until the show of caveman fighting-for-the-ball, is over. She pulls out a movie she had made of us children when we were young.
I sit and relax knowing what to expect and feel comforted. But at the end I am
jolted into suffocation by the added footage of my marriage to my first husband.
In those few short scenes I am reaquainted with my past of friends and X loves as they were all in attendence. I am very upset by now with emotions I cannot explain and my mouth is saying "Oh my God, Oh, Oh my God. I feel like I can't breath"
My heart is racing and my head is reeling and I want to shut it off and I also want to see it all again.
I remember that I loved this brilliant, crazy, abusive man.
I was the bride of Frankenstein.
I want to freeze every frame. Simultaneously I never ever want to remember a bit of it but pandora's box has been opened. Could my world be more strange than at the moment I wondered? Nothing is right. I'm driving home in the dark and want to keep on driving. I am listening to some song on the radio that has a heavy beat and I am trying to get lost in its sedating rythym. I get home and there are too many cars in the driveway and I have to park on the lawn. I am lost. I am not home.
It is Halloween night and my husband is a jock.
My brother in law is a scary man.
My mother is a ghost.
My sister is a village idiot.
I am the bride of Frankenstein.
I go to sleep with no comfort to give and none to receive for I would not take it from a jock. My choice.
I go to sleep and I am dreaming of marriage and weddings and I dream I have found the perfect man until I am about to wed and I find that he is a woman. A beautiful woman.
I am so confused in my dream.
I wake.
Nothing is normal this morning for me.
I Look for rightness in my world and I find cold and wind outside.
Then I realize........
Today is October 31st and Tonight is HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
else.
We were all running around masquerading as other personalities.
My husband was a jock.
My brother in law was a scary man.
My mother was a ghost
My sister was the village idiot.
And I was the bride of Frankenstein.
My world was upside down.
It all began when the sun set. The transformation of all the characters in my life for the day was about to take place. The important event of the evening was about to begin. Football. I left my soon-to-be unGodly house of horror before it could get started. Went straight to the most sanctuary I could imagine in my life. Mother. When I get there my husbands brother is just arriving at my mom's house having had a mix up in communication with my husband as to where to meet for this heathen ritual. I say to him that its at our house and try to direct him from where we were. He is exasperated and a little angry. I am not accustomed to that from him. I watch him drive away up the wrong street and follow after. I get in his way on the road so he won't miss me and it appears he is going to drive right into the side of my car, such a hurry he was in. He is inches away from my vehicle and I barely get the words out "follow me" and he is moving on so I pull my car out fast and lead the way to my house. He is definitely not himself. In the car on the way to a restaurant my mother informs me that my sister has decided to go back to the devil himself(her abusive husband)and that she, my mother, had cried most of the day. Sitting in the restaurant I am stunned by bad news and my mother is only a pale shade of herself. I feel cold and shivery all through the meal as the hostess has seated us somewhat near the door. We leave eventually to go to her house and pass a little more time until the show of caveman fighting-for-the-ball, is over. She pulls out a movie she had made of us children when we were young.
I sit and relax knowing what to expect and feel comforted. But at the end I am
jolted into suffocation by the added footage of my marriage to my first husband.
In those few short scenes I am reaquainted with my past of friends and X loves as they were all in attendence. I am very upset by now with emotions I cannot explain and my mouth is saying "Oh my God, Oh, Oh my God. I feel like I can't breath"
My heart is racing and my head is reeling and I want to shut it off and I also want to see it all again.
I remember that I loved this brilliant, crazy, abusive man.
I was the bride of Frankenstein.
I want to freeze every frame. Simultaneously I never ever want to remember a bit of it but pandora's box has been opened. Could my world be more strange than at the moment I wondered? Nothing is right. I'm driving home in the dark and want to keep on driving. I am listening to some song on the radio that has a heavy beat and I am trying to get lost in its sedating rythym. I get home and there are too many cars in the driveway and I have to park on the lawn. I am lost. I am not home.
It is Halloween night and my husband is a jock.
My brother in law is a scary man.
My mother is a ghost.
My sister is a village idiot.
I am the bride of Frankenstein.
I go to sleep with no comfort to give and none to receive for I would not take it from a jock. My choice.
I go to sleep and I am dreaming of marriage and weddings and I dream I have found the perfect man until I am about to wed and I find that he is a woman. A beautiful woman.
I am so confused in my dream.
I wake.
Nothing is normal this morning for me.
I Look for rightness in my world and I find cold and wind outside.
Then I realize........
Today is October 31st and Tonight is HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Becky Nelson @ 7:21 AM
2 Comments:
At 10:19 AM,
Jacob said…
Mom, your writing is so easy to read. You tell stories magnificently. Everything you wrote about sounds so very familiar to me... except for the tape of my father. I'm sorry.
At 7:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
Becky, awesome writing. You had me on the edge of my seat. so....if your sister is the village idiot and you're the bride of Frankenstein, I imagine myself to be Bozo the Clown. At least that's how I feel a lot of the time...making a spectacle of myself and then feeling stupid.
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