Counseling
I see a counselor.
I have for years off and on.
I have felt embarrassed of this in the past.
But I have come to understand that there is no shame in it.
The shame is on those who see no benefit of having one person in their life that could give insight and advice and would be allowed to "speak into" their lives.
This not being just a friend. Not to negate their importance
but friends don't always have the same experience and wisdom necessary for growth.
A mentor would be good too.
One who is older and wiser and whom you are willing to divulge all the dirty details to that won't laugh along like its OK stuff to do and won't condemn either.
One who's goal it is to help you grow.
If we don't have one like this in our life it is a sad thing.
We stagnate, we remain children forever.
It is phenominal, this need we human beings have to appear balanced and mentally healthy and spiritually sound and generally just allright......"So just leave me alone Damnit! and keep your judgements to yourself" attitude.......Right?
I am reminded how this pride is so much the original sin.
Didn't we eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because
we wanted to be like God?
Well, we are now. In amazing ways to behold.
And we were cast out of our comfy little bubble of protection.
He gave us this knoweledge and we will never feel secure again.
Not mentally healthy nor spiritually sound ever. Not to the degree that will ever allow us the priviledge of saying "I'm allright" or "I don't need you" or "I don't need to change". We are left with the constant desire to run our own lives and a battle with our pride that drives us to amazing degrees of addiction or oblivious denial, encrusted in armour so thick that no one may penetrate our souls.
Dare you say this is not you?
Well, it is me. It will always be me no matter how much growth I have.
The battle will never be over.
Humility, I have heard said often, is having an accurate assesment of oneself.
Well, this is not a goal to be arrived at.
Especially if I remain inside my own mind and world.
I need others to be a mirror for me.
Some mirrors are like that of a fun house.
Don't look for crying out loud!!!!
Back to that counselor or mentor.
Dare to trust another. Dare to change. Dare to look at yourself through the eyes of another trusted soul.
Dare to ask God to send you someone.
And just do it.
Speak.
*****End of sermon*******
So, I am seeing this counselor.
I just went yesterday so its on the brain.
When I left I just kept crying for sheer gratefulness.
I have found a counselor that listens to my soul.
But this person also reveals me in such a gentle way.
I am not so shocked to find out who I am in the fault department.
I am blessed to be praised and shown also what my strengths are.
I've really just been too scared to let anyone in for a while now and wanted everyone to leave me alone and keep their judgements to theirselves damnit!
But my need and my anger and my pride and my hurt got so great that I was forced to seek counseling once again.
How did I get so far off track that I believed I could be the God of my life again.
Ah counselors.. the blessed paid friend and mentor who is necessary in a world that is too scared to reach out to a fellow man.
Yup, thats me..too scared.
But I am getting better all the time.
I have for years off and on.
I have felt embarrassed of this in the past.
But I have come to understand that there is no shame in it.
The shame is on those who see no benefit of having one person in their life that could give insight and advice and would be allowed to "speak into" their lives.
This not being just a friend. Not to negate their importance
but friends don't always have the same experience and wisdom necessary for growth.
A mentor would be good too.
One who is older and wiser and whom you are willing to divulge all the dirty details to that won't laugh along like its OK stuff to do and won't condemn either.
One who's goal it is to help you grow.
If we don't have one like this in our life it is a sad thing.
We stagnate, we remain children forever.
It is phenominal, this need we human beings have to appear balanced and mentally healthy and spiritually sound and generally just allright......"So just leave me alone Damnit! and keep your judgements to yourself" attitude.......Right?
I am reminded how this pride is so much the original sin.
Didn't we eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because
we wanted to be like God?
Well, we are now. In amazing ways to behold.
And we were cast out of our comfy little bubble of protection.
He gave us this knoweledge and we will never feel secure again.
Not mentally healthy nor spiritually sound ever. Not to the degree that will ever allow us the priviledge of saying "I'm allright" or "I don't need you" or "I don't need to change". We are left with the constant desire to run our own lives and a battle with our pride that drives us to amazing degrees of addiction or oblivious denial, encrusted in armour so thick that no one may penetrate our souls.
Dare you say this is not you?
Well, it is me. It will always be me no matter how much growth I have.
The battle will never be over.
Humility, I have heard said often, is having an accurate assesment of oneself.
Well, this is not a goal to be arrived at.
Especially if I remain inside my own mind and world.
I need others to be a mirror for me.
Some mirrors are like that of a fun house.
Don't look for crying out loud!!!!
Back to that counselor or mentor.
Dare to trust another. Dare to change. Dare to look at yourself through the eyes of another trusted soul.
Dare to ask God to send you someone.
And just do it.
Speak.
*****End of sermon*******
So, I am seeing this counselor.
I just went yesterday so its on the brain.
When I left I just kept crying for sheer gratefulness.
I have found a counselor that listens to my soul.
But this person also reveals me in such a gentle way.
I am not so shocked to find out who I am in the fault department.
I am blessed to be praised and shown also what my strengths are.
I've really just been too scared to let anyone in for a while now and wanted everyone to leave me alone and keep their judgements to theirselves damnit!
But my need and my anger and my pride and my hurt got so great that I was forced to seek counseling once again.
How did I get so far off track that I believed I could be the God of my life again.
Ah counselors.. the blessed paid friend and mentor who is necessary in a world that is too scared to reach out to a fellow man.
Yup, thats me..too scared.
But I am getting better all the time.
posted by Becky Nelson @ 5:02 AM
1 Comments:
At 9:09 AM,
Jacob said…
"Don't look for crying out loud!!!"
I nearly died laughing when I read this. After the laughter had ceased, I thought about it some more and marveled over how wonderful a metaphor it was... funhouse mirrors. Hmm.
I want to see a councelor now! You paint a beautiful portrait for what we should be for other people, especially the ones closest to us. But we aren't those people. Nobody is paying me, so.... it's easy to not feel responsible. Bah.
Seriously, it will make you reevaluate how you relate to people. I have the steady compulsion to "laugh along side" when I am not sure what to say. I hate that.
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