The moment

I have a friend who once described to me how his wife had "moments" as she stood lengthy amounts of time outside in the yard. Maybe she was meditating or praying. I don't know.
But I sided with his disgust of the whole ritual.
But today and a lot of days since I have found myself having many of these very
experiences and wondering if they are not the same sort of thing she was doing.
So I wonder if he would also be disgusted with me if he found out.
But today was another of those days.
I was having a "moment".

I had some beautiful music playing.
You know, the kind that has the recording of birds and water lapping the shore.
Totally cool.
The sun shone brilliantly overhead.
The breeze caught up the cottonwood leaves.
The herb garden was bent over in that same breeze.
I had to thank God for this moment of beauty and my heart squeezed with delight.
But the clincher and the humble confession I am about to make was the encounter I had with one form of unexpected beauty.
As the wind danced around me it picked up my hair and dropped it in front of my eyes.
Again and again it played with my locks.
But did I ever stop to realize before that when the sun hits a single strand of hair in a certain way there are rainbow prizms that glow and sparkle much like a diamond or a drop of water glinting in the sun?
Such mesmerizing colors and intricate design.
I was caught up just watching this light show.
God made something beatiful about human physicality that for once I could not find any reason for ultimate objection.
Perhaps that is why we take such care with our hair.
And a womans hair is her crowning glory, after all.
Silly as it seems, I really was glad for my "moment".

For the sake of argument

I have always thought how much fun it would be to argue with someone for the sake of venting and releasing emotions.
It could be an art.
One that does not threaten the other involved party.
If you had the safety zone of no name calling or raging tyrades it could even be rather useful.
But you cannot argue with a truly angry person.
You will be devoured.
All equilibrium is lost and all equality lost.
The angry one must defend their stance at all costs including their own detriment
and loss, not to mention the total anhialation of the other ones self esteem.
What is anger but a big giant facade for a big giant fear that is bigger than love
and bigger than the person themselves.
Their insecurity owns them.
I am afraid of angry people.
My biggest fault? Withdrawal.
But give me a chance to argue in safety and I would be fair and gentle and sharp
and witty and challenging and it could be really OK. I theorize.
Maybe there is no such thing since I have only experienced it once.
But it was fun.

Splish Splash

Last night I went to a meeting called "homegroup". A fellowship of men and women who want to grow in their faith in God.
I am never entirely comfortable at these sort of meetings anymore.
Seems more damage is done than good or has done in my past.
But there I was again giving it another try.
I decided I might venture out and open up the teeniest little bit with one woman
who was speaking my language.
Sure enough there was a lot of words.
Some were wonderful, some were void. But she was really, really caring for me.
I knew it. I felt it.
I did not turn love away.
But I have grown up a little and now don't take every little word that someone utters to me about God as truth or law or wisdom.
I sat very quiet and mindful and did not even try to tell her any "but I's"
No self defense.
It did not matter that she did not know enough about me.
I just soaked in love and let words fall around my head and shoulders.
But, as the prayer she said came to a close she asked God to remind me to just
"take a bath in his presense" and I'm sure she said "bathe in his love".
Something to that effect. These words stood out for some reason.
As I drove home I remember thinking "well, I gotta do that. But how?"
I started thinking I will just get my bible and read and pray.
Then the usual frustration of where to do this in sanctuary and undisturbed quiet
began nagging at me. No where in my home can I find this.
I went to bed thinking.... Ah forget it.
Then this morning I woke and the words in my head were clear.........
"take a bath".
I did not know that these few words could so effect my life.
I grabbed my bible, my AA big book, my journals, etc..
and I high tailed it to the completely unused and abandoned bathroom downstairs.
As I slipped in to the tub my "Ahhhhh" was not just physical but spiritual too.
I was at last alone with God.
And He met me there.
"Thank you God for pointing the way"

Fall

No doubt about it! Fall IS my favorite season.
My love for it is deep. Heaven will have trees that are alive with colors unimaginable. And we will all have to wear cozy sweaters.

Quivering, sailing, dancing to a music no one can
hear but the wind, the leaves take flight from
their trusted boughs.

Snapping, sparkling, nipping, the air consumes
summer's fading warmth
and takes hold of fertile earth.

Unsuspectingly, greedily, teasingly the wind cuts
through the air and takes up my billowing skirts
and then blinds me with my own flowing hair.

Softly, gently, graciously slipping into the sky,
pillows of plush white cotton bolls hover over all
changing hues of golds, reds, greens and browns.

Passionately, jealously, tightly the fingers of fall
grip my heart
and all senses come alive under his touch.