Fingernail Fetish

One day I was taking out boxes for Christmas decorating.
I gave some thought to protecting my back by picking up boxes in a correct manner.
I didn't give ANY thought to protecting my acrylic finger nails.
As I picked one up it started to slip out of my hands.
I clutched and clawed to prevent dropping it.
And then "rip" goes my index finger nail.
A layer of my natural nail going with it.
I screamed bloody murder and let out a few colorful words.

My next move was what any normal person would do.
Remove them all.
I got to my nail tech as soon as possible and explained that I had enough.
We discussed my "withdrawal" symptoms that would soon happen as a result of doing without these fine looking alternatives to ugly fingernails and homely hands.
These withdrawal symptoms were something I was familiar with from the past.
I would look around at all these ladies nice looking nails and get finger nail envy.
I just had to have nice looking hands.
You must understand that my fingers are stubby and chubby.
A definite negative to my overall beauty. ;-)
Once I had finally gotten them for the first time I felt all tingly and beautiful.
One particular event I remember made this need for nails all the more necessary.
I was working at a convenience station and stocking shelves with bottles of power
drinks. Some decent looking man came up behind me and out of the blue says to me.
"You have beautiful hands".
I said "thank you" with a sputter and immediately withdrew my hands from sight.
He couldn't be serious, you know.
I mean, I KNEW my hands were ugly.
That cemented the absolute belief that I would not do without them again.

Well, here I am 3 years later and acrylic free!!!
No withdrawal. No regret. No embarrassment.
Just plain relief.
I can type faster. I can pick up coins off my cash counter.
I can open car doors without worry of breakage.
I can pick my nose without worry of nose bleed.

Yes, my hands are pretty homely now.
My nails are cracked and split and kinda dirty looking.
But I do not flinch.
I have not quite figured out why until now.
There was one good result of the acrylic escapade.
I began to believe that my hands were beautiful.
This thought pattern did not leave me.
I have fallen in love with MY hands.
Just because they are mine.
Isn't it all in the way you think?
What you think is what you are I have heard said.
I embrace all that I am as meant to be.
God gave my hands to me.

Maybe I will get acrylics again someday.
I don't know.
But it does not surprise me that this would happen with all my talk about
being real and honest.
Maybe the physical counts too.