Let her cry

I just wrote an e-mail to a woman friend of mine.
Shocking what came out of my head into my fingertips.
I regaled her with a sarcastic story of my life as it is right now and did not realize how incredibly burdened I was.
What keeps us human beings in so much denial of how difficult life is?
Were we taught that its best if we don't complain?
Did that teaching push us into the only solution to the pain;
to pretend it does not exist?
Unloading feels good.
I think its akin to confession.
I should feel guilty for the bashing but I do not.
I feel lighter.
I feel justified.
How silly to ask myself why I woke up feeling bad.
Duh!
My life is hard right now.
No doubt it could easily get harder and the tools for overcoming unchanged.
Here is the "But" of it.......
I want to relate to another human being.
I think its ok for someone to say "Damn, I'm glad I'm not you right now".
Or maybe they would say "That really sucks Becky. You must be hurting."
"Yeah" I'd cry.
But few are sympathetic anymore.
The whole world wants to correct the problem and correct you for a bad attitude
and pretend that life is not hard.
Did the fellow inmates with Corrie Tenboom in the concentration camp tell her
"girl, you gotta look at the bright side, at least your not dead."
No doubt they wept together and prayed hard.
Their joy was a result of endurance and acceptance of God's will.
Did Job in the old testament laugh it off when his children were taken from him?
Ah well, lets look at the bright side and be glad I'm still alive.
Or worse yet, try to find a way to pin the bad times on his own bad behavior.
His friends kept trying to find ways to alleviate the uncomfortable truth that
sometimes life sucks.
That would make it easier for them.
Whereas I hate self pity, it is a fine line between that and there being a time
to wear sack cloth and throw ashes on your head because you need to mourn.
So, let her cry.

New Haircut-New Wrinkles. Time goes too quickly.

Evil

I received a comment by someone called the Godfather on my last blog which I promptly erased. A sad person full of hate for women and one who must have been thoroughly abused by a woman in their youth or childhood.
It put me in mind of the very subject I have been trying to reason out in my head for the last year.
Its the subject of evil.

I think these next paragraphs will explain what I really believe about evil.
I am not the author of this next story but I wish I was.


The University professor challenged his students with this question.

"Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460? F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

Just

I've noticed that I am silent when I struggle with life.
I don't lose wisdom. Nor words or thoughts.
Shame ties my tongue.