The way cool Christmas present

Our house is selling this month.
We have to be out by January 10th.
Its inventory month and the busiest time of the year in our store.
We have looked and looked and lost hope of finding a new home.
We have been stressed out to the max!
But something happened yesterday.

In my wildest imaginations I could not have seen how it would be possible for God to provide an affordable house that had "all" that we wanted.
But He did!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everything about the whole deal had God's fingerprints all over it.
How did he do that?
Did he materialize these people and this property in the last week?
But it must have existed all along.
It was meant just for us and was waiting just for us.
A day later or even an hour later and it would have gone to someone else.
Its one of those.......:-)
We had a list of wishes a mile long.
But they were infeasible!
Here is what we have.........
The house is in the tiny little town of Victor in the same valley which we now live.
That is where I wanted to live when I first saw the valley.
Only 8 miles to work in Corvallis.
Our house is walking distance to the town of Victor. Grocery store. Restaurant. Gas station. Only a half mile!
Flat roads and neighborhoods for bike riding endlessly.
Beautiful walks.
We are in a neighborhood with other people in close proximity. (Good community feeling)
Always wanted to live in a neighborhood and have wilderness too.
Impossible.
We have complete privacy. (except for the front yard)
Beautiful aspens and maple type trees gracing the front yard.
A small manicured lawn out front.
A double car attached garage. I love attached garages!!!
The outside of the house is log facade. Looks like a cabin w/o the fly problem.
Inside the house is mostly wood floors in circular sawn rough hewn pine.
The walls are log facade.
A cavernous basement with tons of storage and guest space. Finished.
2200 square feet. 1.5ish acres. Not too much to care for.
Beautiful wood stove in the kitchen.
Central heat.
Everything seems to be wood with a healthy balance of dry wall for decorating.
Out the back door is a patio that looks out over the most incredible view of river property you have ever seen anywhere.
There are acres and acres of reserve behind us that is totally at our disposal.
Nobody frequents there because access is so difficult so its virtually ours!
Our property sort of cliffs off to a meadow down below but just before the edge
sits a strewn out little forest of pine trees with one HUGE OLD ponderosa pine in the middle. On our property!!!!!!!
Down in the meadow is built a campfire pit with benches all around.
Beyond that is the easement road for the adjoining neighbors.
Beyond that is the reserve which is shared with only four other neighbors at the most.
It begins with an iced over creek that is perfect for iceskating.
The land is thick with cotton wood and beaver dams and teeming with wildlife.
The river has one particular spot with beach sand and swimming hole.
My very own!!! I love water and laying out in the sun.
Birds will come to our property in scores in spring and summer.
This whole set up reminds me of a movie I've seen.
Like the Chronicles of Narnia.
Everything is so civilized outside the closet and then you pass through to a wonderland that you would never have know was there.
That is exactly what it is like!
There can be no other opportunities like this in all of the valley that would still be priced in our price range.
It does not exist except right beside us at our neighbors homes.
God is so good.
I am awed and humbled and believe more than ever that there is nothing
that He cannot do.
I don't know, I kinda suspect he created this property just this week. ;-)
I am soooo happy.
Thank you God.
We have only two months to wait.
Meanwhile we will be camped out at my mothers house in her beautiful studio apartment since our house is sold and we need to be out by January 10th.
God looks after every detail when it is in his will and good pleasure.
The Lord is sovereign and powerful and beautiful and generous.
He has brought us through so much trial for our own good and his promise to build our character to be more like his own. No doubt that HAS been happening.
But he also gives us holidays and goodies along the way.
I feel like a child and my daddy has just given me a way cool Christmas present.
Thank you , Thank you, Thank you God.

Rejection

I'm not sure my age when it happened.
Thirteen, fourteen...fifteen?
You know, that age when you feel like everything you do is done blindfolded;
bumbling, shy and stupid?
I was particularly aware of such clumsy insecurity in the context of my youth group.
I felt fat and unworthy of any popularity or attention.
But it did not stop my desire to get it.
I latched on to some "friends" at the time that were not really my friends for the simple fact that they gave me the smallest credit for being alive.
I felt a beggar. I acted a beggar.
At that same time in my life I had a major crush on a young man from my youth group named Bruno.
Ever true I was attracted to the "troubled" sort of boys and thought this one uniquely exciting. And cute? Oh yes, indeed.
Short in height, dark hair and eyes and dark complexion.
Mysterious. Trouble.
I told my "friends" how much I liked this boy.
I was too shy to tell him so I relied upon an offer by my "friends" to let him know.
Up till that time I had received no attention from Bruno.
But one night at youth group we took a field trip that called for a ride in
"the Van".
We all squished in and as luck would have it I was right next to Bruno.
I was breathless and frightened and thrilled to no end.
Since the van was crammed it was pure joy for me to have my shoulder and arm pressed hard against his!
The absolute climax of the evening was when he reached over and took my hand!!!!!!!
"He must like me", I thrilled in thought.
This was too good to be true.
Sure, and it was; too good to be true.
For the very next day as I expounded on the tiny details of the story to my
"friends" they looked at one another slyly and busted out laughing as one of the girls explained carelessly that it was all a set up.
Bruno cared nothing for me but was playing along with their joke.
I wish I could recall for you and for myself what I did next;
what I thought, what I felt.
I don't remember. I'm good at that.
But I have a vague feeling of a memory of hate that followed me through the years.
I never forgave these girls.
They were not my friends.
Not only was the hoax about the boy but about my friendships too.
I stood betrayed by them all in one fell swoop;
my first real experience with cruelty for cruelty's sake.
Only four years ago did I find forgiveness for them.
For years I pictured revenge.
But even as I claim a clearing of the wreckage of my past there still remain
little reminders that bring it back up like bile in my throat.
A word or a deed that bears a resemblence to this event can conjure up the insecurities and the oft repeated words of self condemnation........
"why should anyone like you?".

Forgiveness is a process. As is healing.
When those thoughts and events repeat themselves I must and I do remember
most of the time to take those thoughts captive.
I seize upon the lie and tell myself the truth according to God and according to myself. I will not share those truths now.
But some of that truth is this;
I am lovable. Most of the time, I am lovable.
But when I am not, and a lot of times I am not (by people) I can lean on the knowledge of God's unfailing intimacy with me and total acceptance and concern.

I don't know what led up to this memory just this morning.
I guess it was a small fear of rejection in the group arena.
Last night was homegroup and I caused controversy within.
So what else is new?

Well, even as I wrote this story I had another catch in my throat.
After all these years?
Life can be cruel.
This time, my way of holding captive these thoughts is to share them with you.
Thanks for listening.

The Doughnut Shop

This was an observation writing assignment from my creative writing class in 2003.


My car is large.
People know it in this town.
It occurs to me to worry a bit as I pull into the towns
biggest and best doughnut shop.
But I plow ahead in order to "observe".
I open the door to be greeted by the aroma of
rich smelling coffee and sweet maple syrup.
I am lifted swiftly back to mornings at summer camp or
Saturdays at home with the family eating pancakes or french toast.
This aroma having such close association to pleasant things is a
wicked and two edged sword.
I sit here in a sort of memoriam for a habit long ago crucified;
The one that tried to kill me with kindness
as I fed myself false kisses of sweet glaze and creamy chocolate.
Still I forge ahead on this mission and
I find myself a seat with decaf in hand.
I am so charmed by blue ruffled curtains on the windows that frame the streets outside which are lined with huge puffy trees so intensely green they cast a hue on all things under them.
There is so much noise as this little shop is hopping.
A woman directly across the way is staring at me.
She is weathered and heavy with big false teeth and big false grin.
I am a curiosity, a newcomer to those who are regulars here.
And there are a few regulars.
This makes itself clear by the complaint I hear behind me from a large group of elderly folks saying "Where are all the regulars this morning?"
I feel like apologizing and leaving because I am not familiar to them.
As I watch the steady stream of customers trail in and out
I notice that most are overweight.
The ones who are brave stay and read the paper.
Most get their sales over quickly either from hurry
or self-consciousness, I surmise.
Interesting, there is rarely a sale of just one doughnut.
I suspect that no one can eat just one.
A large group of kids come for last minute feedings before school.
Two young kids looking like brother and sister sit eating in silence and
I wonder if mom and dad sent them off with a five dollar bill.
The very young and the very old are here at the doughnut shop at the same time.
Oldsters are early birds...
Youngsters are too.
What a contrast.
But now the children go to school and the faces and bodies morph to middle age.
One lady I observe is someone that I know from a local karaoke joint.
I know she has an eating disorder and I become sleuth to satisfy my curiosity
about the number of doughnuts she buys.
She purchased half a dozen.
Will she share or will she purge?
The place is quieting down now.
Quieter still because the deaf couple in the corner make no noise
as they speak to one another with waves of the hand and shaping of fingers.
I grin serenely as I enjoy the love passing between these two.
I pick up my books and walk over to the cashier to throw down my last ten cents
for the refill.
As I leave, I carry with me the vision of two old people enjoying their life
and moments in the doughnut shop eating and sharing.
I picture myself at the end of my youth
approaching the door of that same doughnut shop.......
But first I must lay down my cross; walk in unburdened; free at last,
Then, I will eat doughnuts........

A Passion for Christmas

All my life I have loved Christmas.
You might say I have a passion for it.
This year I have thought long and hard about why that is.
Naturally, there is the great child like greed for gifts and games on Christmas morning. But this has brought many a disappointment to me and others as well.
So, it couldn't be just that.
There is the family gathering that allows the feel good sentiments of security
(me and you against the world) that mush our hearts and fill us with joy.
This also has disappointed greatly, me and a myriad of others at times.
I guess winter and its tingly cold and contrast of warm lights against bleak skies
can cheer ones heart. Certainly it does work on me that way.
But we have to take those lights down and with that activity we feel a let down.
So that isn't it.
And ah, there is the food!!!!
The wonder of egg nog and fruit cake and pumkin pie could tempt me to keep Christmas
for the feasting alone.
But I could get those foods any time if I wanted.
What is the real magic of Christmas?
What is it my friends?

I feel like a Who from Who-ville because even if you took all those accoutrements
away Christmas would still live on in my heart.
There is only one reason I really love Christmas and its the same for the world out there though they may not know it.
It is the great reminder of the hope that lives in us all.
"For unto us is born this day in the City of David, a savior, which is
Christ the Lord"
We are not forsaken or abandoned. Good news!!
He has come to bring peace on earth and good will to men.

Though my childhood memories are muddled with the accoutrements of Christmas
my heart recalls best of all the Christmas eve service when we gathered with our
fellow man and sang praise songs of Christmas glory to our God and thanked him for
his great gift of Salvation. We lit the candles and sang silent night and all
knew in their hearts what Christmas was all about.

So, bring on the bangles and hoo haws and feasting because it is such a reason
to celebrate. I love it all. I give you a gift on Christmas morning as a small
symbol of the greatest gift of all. I smile at you with extra joy this season
because I am happy knowing I have hope.
I could do this all year long but we take this time out to give it more due.
Though others may try to malign and disfigure this holiday; though it may be muddled with pagan rituals from other regions, it changes not one iota of the truth it holds in my heart.
I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!
I LOVE YOU LORD!!!!

Realistic Love

This is Christmas Time... Its Christmas time

Our tree under hoar frost

Hubby getting chubby