The truth about us

I am becoming more and more convinced as time goes by that there is
NOTHING human beings do, think, or say that is not about themselves.
Not one thing.

Am I a pessimist to believe this way?

I venture to say the most heroic and seemingly selfless act is at least
partly corroded with mixed or ulterior motives involving the ego.

In saying that, I must admit that I don't think it is all bad.

The truth about us is that we don't want to believe the truth about us.

If we hold on to the idea of some goodness in ourselves we then hold on to the idea that we do not need to be saved from ourelves.

It is most human to want to take credit for our own goodness and our own badness.

I think we are not responsible for either inbred characteristic.

It was forknown and predestined that we would be subject to evil.
It was forknown and predestined that we would have goodness in us because of God.

If I beat myself up for committing a sin I am prone to do I waste my salvation.
If I take credit for the kind acts I do, I am deceived by pride.

Lest I seem too way out for some.......
I will tell what I think I am responsible for.

I am responsible to be the best guardian possible of the vessel in which my soul lives and the best steward of my inborn talents and gifts and to give all praise to the one who "giveth and taketh away".

I am nothing apart from Him.

However, I am so sinful and so flawed that yes I will take great pleasure in the applause I get after a solo I have sung. Yes, I will beam with delight when I notice someone staring at my face. I really get a kick out of the comments of I hear of my abilities to run a country store and make it warm and wonderful to be in.

But seriously folks........Did I mold my eyes and nose and lips?
Did I go to some school to learn to decorate in my infancy or was not the love and passion already there from birth? My vocal chords were formed in the womb.
I was born to sing.
Who can we kid but ourselves into believing that we deserve credit?

When makeup goes on my face it is a simple enhancement of the beauty already there.
When I tune up my voice it is a feeble attempt on improving the art of voice that
God created. Oh great acheiver that I am thinking I will win praise.
I think I will win merit.
I think I will win deserving and worth.
In whose eyes?
WHAT FOR?

My heart yearns to be good enough.
But I cannot even win brownie points with God.

The only thing I can say good about myself
When I look at all my good qualities and my bad is.....
"Wow, look what GOD has done".
Now thats real self esteem.

The Boat

One day as I sat upon the shore I watched a man and woman wrangling away.

Said the man to the woman in his spiffy little boat, "leave them there. I like them that way".

They struggled over oil rags that stopped up all the leaks that kept his little dingy afloat.

Said she, "I did not know they meant so much. Why don't you fix the boat?"

I stifled laughter to hear more and watched for his response. I had wondered too.

What meant those rags so safely guarded that caused the fight between the two?

He slowly spoke with sad expression; pain behind each word......
"Well, this one rag is for Karen. I loved her very much. She slipped and fell
and caused a leak that I remember well".

"This one here's for Karen two. Another one I knew. She caused a leak that was so big I cannot begin to tell".

"That rag over there, now that ones pretty new.

Jeannetes her name who caused that leak so here's the thing I do.

I keep these leaks and stop them up in memory of them.

I won't remove them lest I sink. I must remember when.

If they are gone what will I have to hold on to the past?

The cross I wear is to keep them there so my love for them will last."

The woman said to he, "I think I understand. But these are all a sadness that rags cannot make right.

You sell your present for the past on a hope that they just might......?

My love, I fear I do intrude upon your love affair

with ghosts of failure in your past and I cannot compare.

Please turn this little boat around. I wish to go to shore.

Your boat is full of oil rags. You don't need anymore."
--------------

Well, that was that and so I took my leave right then and there.

I feared to look upon his face shadowed with despair.

But I would learn a thing or two by watching them that day.

By watching the couple in the boat who sat and wrangled away.